Thou Shall Not Covet Thy Neighbor's Ass

I remember being a child in Sunday School when we learned about the Ten Commandments because, being the type of person I am, as we went over them I immediately began to tally in my head how good/not good I was based on how I evaluated my own obedience to the commandments. It went sort of like this:
No Gods before me - Check
No Idols - Check
Don't take the Lord's name in vain - Check*
Remember the Sabbath - Check
Honor your mother and father - Check **
Do not murder - Check
Do not commit adultery - Check
Do not steal - Check
Do not bear false witness - Check***
Do not covet - (Uncomfortable silence...at least as soon as I learned what covet meant)

* Note - this was before I learned to swear like a sailor...still working on that
**Note - I gave myself a pass on this one at the time based on a "more often than not" judgment
***Note - I determined that I only rarely told lies against my sister and, really, if God knew how difficult she could be, He would give me a pass.

To this day, twenty years later, coveting still gives me the most trouble of all the commandments. Especially lately, it feels like I'm struggling a lot to keep myself from coveting what others have. I will try to resist the urge to defend myself to cyberspace; not justifying myself by protesting that I'm not coveting mansions, or a Porsche, or some kind of designer clothing. Mostly I find myself coveting things which most of my peers take for granted on a day to day basis. A house, health, a career, a child....the ability to wear size 4 jeans. (Ok, so this is where coveting thy neighbor's ass takes on a whole new 20th century connotation.)

The worst thing about coveting what someone else has is that it tends to make one bitter and impedes upon the ability to celebrate others good fortune and joy. For example, when a friend of mine has a baby, I don't want my first thought to be discontent about my own inability to have a child. I want to rejoice in the new life. I want to be glad when someone I care about gets a promotion or lovely place to live for their family. I don't want to be envious.

Envy seems to bring out the worst in people, at least it does in me. I morph into this narcissistic beast who dwells only on what she doesn't have. People are always searching for the secret to happiness, and although I don't have that secret, I am pretty sure that the secret to unhappiness is to indulge yourself in coveting the possessions of others. So what's there to do about it? For me it's a daily exercise of looking at what I DO have, which sometimes works and sometimes doesn't. For example, as I type these very words, I can't help but be very grateful for the furry companion who has slowly inched her way down the couch so that she can nap with her muzzle resting against my arm. To touch me gives her comfort, and I must admit that the feeling is mutual. I am thankful for that

Finally, I resolve instead of being enviousness, to go out and get the things I want....as least as much as I can. I will keep writing, keep dreaming, keep working out. And hopefully fit into my own skinny jeans one day.