Going to the chapel

On Friday, I am going to be traveling to Corpus Christi to meet up with Justin and take part in the wedding of our friends, Beau and Stacy. As someone who might be ordained in the near/distant future, I found myself thinking about what I would say to the couple if it were I who were marrying them and walking them through pre-marital counseling. What follows is the advice I would give the couple...if I left anything vital out, feel free to rectify that in the comments.

1. Be careful how you fight: As a spouse, you know every weakness, every vulnerability, every soft spot that your husband or wife has. This is not ammo in a fight. You should guard and respect that intimacy instead of using it against one another. When you fight....and you will fight, fight about the issue at hand and don't fight to get the other person back. The point of a fight is to resolve an issue, not to be right. Fight for what is in the best interest for both of you, not just for being right.

2. Live with gratitude: It's so easy to come home after a long day and be grumpy and take it out on your spouse. They are the person you can be grumpy with. Often that leads to grumbling about what the other hasn't done, or what they didn't do right that day. Instead of grumbling about what hasn't gotten done, or what wasn't done right, praise your spouse for what they do, for how they contribute. Let them know how much you appreciate all they do in your life to make it better and sweeter. Always remember to tell your spouse how much you appreciate him/her.

3. Think about him/her first: Instead on focusing on what your spouse can do for you, focus on what you can do for your spouse. This is the way to happiness. You should each serve one another, not in expectation of what you will get, but for the joy of loving your spouse and giving love to him or her. The giving yourself over to love your spouse is central to what Ephesians 5:25-33 is talking about. This world encourages you to be self-centered and self-interested above all things. If you value your marriage, I would suggest that you don't.

4. Try to understand how the female/male mind works: Your spouse does not think the way you do. They think in the manner of their gender, so don't try and force them to think like you do. Husband, when your wife comes to you complaining or crying about something in her life, she is not looking for you to fix it. She wants a sympathetic ear, open arms to hold her, and reassurance that she is safe and loved. Wife, when your husband tells you something, take it at face value. Don't infer a bunch of subtext into what he is saying. Generally, men are extremely straightforward. They generally say what they mean and mean what they say....no hidden meaning. Don't look for something that isn't there.

5. Find a church and worship together: God has brought the two of you together and you will make vows to each other before Him and all your family and friends. Putting God in the center of your relationship doesn't ensure that you won't go through storms in life. In fact, I can guarantee that you will. However, when God is in the center of your life and relationship, it gives you something to hold on to in the storm, a place to find calm and peace. Otherwise, the storm can and often will tear you apart. Worship together, pray together. That will do you more good in your relationship than a thousand self help books or special dates.

I'm sure that there are many more things I could tell you, but these are pretty big. They won't ensure a perfect marriage, but I know they help me to feel like the luckiest woman in the world. I look at my husband sometimes and I am overwhelmed with deep and amazing love. I know in my heart that God brought us together. He is my soul mate, and I adore him. I pray that after you have been married for years, you will feel the same.