Resolve

As Lent began today on Ash Wednesday, which just happened to also be Justin's birthday I found myself contemplating my life. It's understandable, what with blood work tomorrow and PET scan on Friday. But after doing our devotional today, I decided that much of the time I've been spending lately on introspection and worry has been in many ways hindering my relationship with God. Don't get me wrong, I've got nothing against one being self-aware but there can come a point when it simply becomes indulgent. You can contemplate and fret and worry about your life and it's meaning and your hopes and fears to some extent, but at some point it becomes idolatry. It becomes a distraction from turning one's eyes, heart and mind to God. So I am giving it up. I am turning all of this over to God's hands, (in my human arrogance I sometimes forget that it was already there), and am turning my brain off.

I hate to announce my instinct with this whole thing, mostly because I hate looking the fool. My instinct, my gut feeling, is that this scan will be clear. But, if I say that out loud and I turn out to be wrong, I look like an idiot. But again, in the spirit of the Lenten season, which moves towards renewal and resurrection, I am casting off my pride and fear of foolishness. I think that I am going to be ok. There. I said it. And I suppose that one way or another I will be.

So, again, I will simply solicit your prayers. I will be in the scanner around 9 AM Pacific time (11 central), so if you've got some time on Friday, pray for me.