My Buddy Job

It always seems to go that as soon as I open my big mouth to make a claim, I am contradicted by life. I found myself assuring friends on Thursday that although things have been kind of crappy, that I wasn't in a "Job" place at the moment. I wasn't questioning God, "Why me?" I was strong, assured, faithful.

Then I went to the doctor on Friday, and by that afternoon I felt like I was Job. I found myself in the place of "why me?" There was some crying and fist shaking at the sky involved. I've had well-meaning friends tell me that all of this isn't fair, that I've had more than my share of suffering in 26 years. And I would be a huge liar if I said that the thought hadn't crossed my own mind. I can't help but imagining that my friends who are either on the fence about God, or who are total non-believers are probably thinking to themselves, "A lot of good God does you."

But in the midst of this all, even in the times of questioning, my belief in God doesn't waiver because there is no denying God once you have met the risen Christ. I am comforted that I have a God who allows me to question, to grieve, and to lament. I believe in a God who loves me and is sovereign in my life. Trust me, I wouldn't have the mental and physical strength to handle all of this without help from a higher power. (I could be WAY crazier :) ) I don't profess to understand why all of this is happening, and frankly, at the moment the why is not so important.

What I know is this. I don't have all the answers. I am not strong, nor brave, nor wise. But the mercy of it all is that I don't have to be. And that's ok.