Here I am on the eve of a crucial week in this process, and for those of you who have labeled me brave, I wish you could see me now. I am a bag of nerves. Waiting for the results of a Pet scan is like waiting for the results of your biggest exam ever.... times 1000. And if you don't pass the exam, it could directly effect your physical life. And it never gets any better, whether you have a couple of good scans under your belt or not. But it is infinitely worse when your last scan indicated that your cancer had come back and the current scan could make or break your chances for a life saving stem cell transplant.
I tend to range in emotions from anxiety to tears to forced calm. I really don't know if I will find out the results on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday. I will know something this week. I really really really hope that this goes well. I really need this to go well. Emotionally, spiritually, and physically....but I have to come to terms with the fact that I will have to deal with it either way. And that if this chemo isn't working, they will have to do something else. And there are still options....just it would be better if this was working.
Wow. I bet this raised your anxiety too....especially if you are my Dad. Maybe I should have put a warning at the beginning of the blog for him. Oh well, he can take it. So, until I know something I'll probably say nothing....unless I get an itch to write and then, who knows?
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1 comment:
Hang in there! We're anxious with you! I'm checking your blog every time I open a web browser!
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